So I’m going to take over for NHL commissioner Gary Bettman next offseason and I’ve decided to unilaterally relocate all the league’s teams on a proportional basis, to the cities where people apparently care the most about hockey.
Here’s how I’m going to do it.
I’ll reallocate the NHL’s 32 teams using proportional representation, on the basis of:
- Interest in hockey (using participation as a proxy)
- Population
- Arena availability
I’ll try to keep as many existing NHL franchises in place as I can, but no promises you guys. Let’s begin.
Participants: 548,800 (Canada | by region) + 556,929 (USA | by state) = 1,105,729
Teams: 32
Quota: 33,507
REGION BY REGION
Ontario 6
Quebec 3
Alberta 2
Minnesota 2
Massachusetts 1
New York 1
British Columbia 1
Michigan 1
California 1
Saskatchewan 1
Pennsylvania 1
Illinois 1
Manitoba 1
Wisconsin 1
Florida 1
Ohio 1
New Jersey 1
Colorado 1
Texas 1
Nova Scotia 1
Washington 1
Connecticut 1
District of Columbia 1
All quotas were rounded to the nearest whole number. I then allocated the final three teams to Washington, Connecticut and the District of Columbia on the basis of population and arena availability, edging out a second Massachusetts team and New Brunswick.
Going one level deeper, then, which cities should get an NHL franchise?
ONTARIO 6
Population: 16,124,116
Quota: 2,303,445
- Toronto 3*
- Ottawa 1
- Hamilton 1
- London 1
I’ve awarded the last Ontario franchise to London on the basis of population and arena size, outbidding Kitchener, St Catharines, Windsor and Oshawa. However, there’s a shortage of arenas in Toronto so, after much chin-rubbing, I’ve decided to place a team in the nearest decent venue … Buffalo, NY. Count yourselves lucky, Sabres fans.
QUEBEC 3
Population: 9,056,044
Quota: 2,264,011
- Montreal 2
- Quebec City 1
ALBERTA 2
Population: 4,888,723
Quota: 1,629,574
- Calgary 1
- Edmonton 1
MINNESOTA 2
Population: 5,737,915
Quota: 1,912,638
- Minneapolis-St Paul 2
REST OF THE UNITED STATES 12
- New York 1
- Detroit 1
- Los Angeles 1
- Philadelphia 1
- Chicago 1
- Milwaukee 1
- Miami 1
- Columbus 1
- Newark 1
- Denver 1
- Dallas 1
- Seattle 1
I’m keeping a team in Columbus rather than relocating it to Cincinnati, which has a bigger population.
REST OF CANADA 3
- Saskatoon 1
- Winnipeg 1
- Halifax 1
A total of 22 NHL franchises will remain in place. The 10 teams to be relocated are the Anaheim Ducks, Carolina Hurricanes, Nashville Predators, New York Islanders (sorry guys, but you’re number two), Pittsburgh Penguins, San Jose Sharks, St Louis Blues, Tampa Bay Lightning, Utah and Vegas Golden Knights.
Now, what do we call the new teams?
For inspiration, I’ve looked at major, minor and junior teams past and present, and occasionally city or regional emblems. There weren’t any obvious names in a few cities, so I’ve made a few more unilateral decisions. Thankfully the NHL board of governors and the world’s best copyright lawyers are on board.
Welcome to the proportional NHL.
Thanks for noticing that I’ve pointedly moved a Florida team to Quebec, St Louis to Saskatoon and Nashville to Hamilton; turned the Hurricanes back into the Whalers; and will allow Sidney Crosby to finish his career in Nova Scotia. I’m a prick like that. Obviously the playoff format will be Canada v United States. Seattle and Detroit will have to fight for the right to stay in the US during the playoffs. Buffalo, you’re in Canada now, too bad.
Finally, before you ask about expansion to 36 teams, I’m already receiving reports that we’ve got strong bids from Worcester, MA; Moncton, NB; New York, NY; and Phoenix, AZ.
2 comments
I would like to have your passion and immersion to do something in own free time.
Tell me you’re Canadian without telling me you’re Canadian…