1. Lions (last week No. 1; 12-1): Too much risk it, eventually no biscuit.
2. Eagles (No. 3; 11-2): It’ll be hard to win the NFL’s equivalent of the Pennsylvania High School Championship when you can barely beat a JV team from North Carolina.
3. Chiefs (No. 4; 12-1): They keep finding new ways to make us think they’re going to lose before they win.
4. Vikings (No. 5; 11-2): They could end up being a 14-win wild-card team.
5. Bills (No. 2; 10-3): Josh Allen was Superman. The defense was Clark Kent.
6. Steelers (No. 7; 10-3): The best way to commemorate the 50th anniversary of their first Super Bowl win would be to get their seventh.
7. Packers (No. 6; 9-4): They’ve lost four games to teams with a combined record of 34-5.
8. Ravens (No. 8; 8-5): Thanks to a doink, the bye week bumped them into the fifth seed.
9. Broncos (No. 9; 8-5): With the Colts, Chargers, and Chiefs still to come, they’ll earn that playoff spot, if/when they get it.
10. Commanders (No. 10; 8-5): Don’t look now, but their sure-fire postseason berth isn’t so sure anymore.
11. Seahawks (No. 12; 8-5): They’ve found consistency. They soon might find a division title.
12. Chargers (No. 11; 8-5): Hopefully, Jim Harbaugh will figure out how to beat the Chiefs sooner than he figured out how to beat Ohio State.
13. Buccaneers (No. 13; 7-6): Who’s the biggest threat to beat the Lions in the playoffs? How about the only team that has beaten the Lions all year?
14. Texans (No. 15; 8-5): The upcoming Christmas game against the Ravens could be a preview of their playoff game.
15. Rams (No. 16; 7-6): The Rams are the last team any NFC playoff team wants to see in the playoffs.
16. Colts (No. 17; 6-7): After Sunday’s must-win game against Denver, the schedule gets very soft.
17. 49ers (No. 18; 6-7): At this rate, they’ll have to bring back Roger Craig to run the ball.
18. Cardinals (No. 14; 6-7): The Cardinals peaked too soon — and then fell off the cliff.
19. Dolphins (No. 21; 6-7): It’s probably better to finish strong and just miss the playoffs then to make it and go one-and-done again.
20. Falcons (No. 19; 6-7): No matter what happens the rest of the year, it’s looking like Kirk Cousins won’t be the starter in 2025.
21. Bengals (No. 23; 5-8): No AFC should want to see them in the playoffs.
22. Saints (No. 22; 5-8): At 3-1, interim coach Darren Rizzi is earning consideration for the permanent gig.
23. Cowboys (No. 20; 5-8): Leon Lett is finally off the hook.
24. Bears (No. 24; 4-9): Well, at least they didn’t lose because of horrible late-game clock management.
25. Jets (No. 25; 3-10): Will Aaron Rodgers play well enough down the stretch for someone to hand him a starting job in 2025?
26. Panthers (No. 26; 3-10): They’re playing better, but at some point they need to win a game.
27. Browns (No. 27; 3-10): They’re still better off with Jameis Winston than with Deshaun Watson.
28. Jaguars (No. 32; 3-10): The Titans-Jags rivalry has come a long way, in the wrong way, since 1999.
29. Patriots (No. 29; 3-10): They’ll be cannon fodder in their final four games — Cardinals, Bills, Chargers, Bills.
30. Titans (No. 28; 3-10): Hey, the UFL is looking for expansion teams.
31. Raiders (No. 30; 2-11): At least they have Brock Bowers.
32. Giants (No. 31; 2-11): Fix the dumpster fire? As best we can tell, the dumpster fire is working perfectly.